His will. His will. His will. Not mine.

     Today is really not going well for me. At all.
     My computer crashed and we took it to the mac store - my harddrive is dead. My files aren't backed up. It's gunna cost at minimum $400 to retrieve the files.
     Our internet service is trash. It crashes sometimes literally ever 30 seconds... we've been on the phone twice with them...both phone calls over 3 hours and produced nothing. They aren't fully honest. Finally we have a service person coming out to look at our internet.
     But even in all this - God is in control. He knows what's going on.
     It's really hard to imagine why in the world he would let something like this happen.
     My files are a really big deal to me, specially since photography is what I do. All my photos-possibly gone.
     But I know I need to remember, God is in control. And these are just things of this world. They're going to burn up anyways. They aren't eternal.
     1 John 2:15, "Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him."
     Psalm has a lot of awesome verses about God always being with us. Psalm 136 is one of my favorite passages (post on it here) The same God who help David defeat Goliath - is in control of this situation. The same God who defeated armies with only a few men - is in control of this situation. Wow. I mean big WOW.
God gives, God takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord. -In EVERY situation. Even losing files and internet. I mean those are NOTHING. Those are nothing.
     I've got Christ in my life. That's all I need.

Truck Story

This is a song I wrote about...2 or 3 years ago I think.
Based of Taylor Swift's "Love Story" ;)
enjoy! :D

Truck Story

I was so green when I first met you,

I rub my eyes,
and the flashback starts,
I recycled,
In the summer air I recycled.


See the world.
See the paper. We re-use.
See I make my way through the crowd,

Say re-use! Little did I know.


That I was so naive. I was wasting my life,
And my parents said stay away from environment,
And i was crying, without a savings,
begging you, please, save the trees I said.

Forever I would recycle, until that day,
I was waiting for the world to melt before me,
I'd save the trees and I'd save the hot bees,
It's a green story, feel the breeze.

So I put on a jacket, cuz then I saw,
The world ain't gunna melt before my eyes,
So get your cash,
And we'll go buy a big diesel truck.


Cuz I was so naive, I was wasting my life,

And my parents said stay away from environment,
But you were everything to me,
I was begging you, please save the trees I said.


Forever we would recycle. Until that day,

I was waiting, for the world to melt away,
I'd said save the trees and I'd said save the hot bees,
It's a green story, it comes like fleas.


Oh diesel save me, they're tryin' to tell me what to buy,

This love is difficult, but it's real,
DOn't be afraid, no smart car for me. Oh no.
It's a truck story, diesel how you flow.
Oh oh


I got tired og going green,

floudnering in a world that was alaskan bound,
my faith in you ain't fading,
when I drive you on the outskirts of town, and I said,


Diesel truck save me. I've been feeling so alone.

I kept waiting for a smart car, that didn't run.
It was in my head. I didn't know what to think.
You came around and saved me. What joy you bring.


And I need you diesel truck.

I'll never have to be alone.
I need you and that's all I really know.
I pulled out some cash, so now I can buy you.
IT's a truck story, diesel just say yes.

oh oh
oh oh
Cuz i was so green what I first saw you...

Some posts are hard to write...

This is one of those. Hard because it's sad, and it's true.
You may have seen my post I made about the suicide. (You can see it here) But I wanted to make another post, with some more details on what happened.


     Some things come as a shock. And when you reach those moments you don't know quite what to do. Eight days ago Rachel came into my room and by the look on her face I knew something was seriously wrong. She asked me if I could handle some really bad news. Then she told me she had just gotten off the phone with out Aunt and that Sarah, the girl we work with each year selling plants at my Aunt's house, had likely committed suicide.
     I felt like someone had punched me. Hard.
     Rachel went on to say that she had been missed for over 3 hours and there was evidence on her computer that she was planning to kill herself.
     One moment life can seem just fine. The next you can feel like your whole world just crashed in on you.
     I was awake most the night, praying and hoping.
     The next day brought the news no one wanted to hear; They found her and she had killed herself.
     For the next few days nothing seemed to matter to me. I just kept thinking about Sarah.
     Hadn't it just been a month ago I had worked with her? Never would I have guessed that was was going to commit suicide.
     She wasn't saved, nor is any of her family.
     It hurt when I heard it happen. It still hurts.In the blink of an eye your whole life can change.
     Some things come as a shock.
     Some things come as a blow.
     And some, change your life forever.
(http://www.columbian.com/news/2011/jun/28/body-found-on-round-lake-in-lacamas-park/)

Last Night

The last 2 days have been really hard for me. Someone I worked with a few times committed suicide.
I didn't know her real well. You hear about suicides on the news all the time, but when it's someone you know, even if you don't know them well, it's just...devastating and hard to even comprehend. I can't imagine what the family is going through.
She wasn't saved and none of her family are saved. Prayer for friends and family would be appreciated. 

When I have a lot on my mind I like to write...so this is a song/poem/whatever you want to call it that I wrote.

Last Night
No one suspect, no one guessed
No one took the time to ask
Where was her smile
Where was her laugh
No one knew
It was her last night

Now they're askingw hy
Now they're wishing they could change
the words they said
Go back. Show her they card.
But they didn't know
It was her last night

Don't let her be gone they cry
Bring her back somehow
If only they know
It was her last night

So tell them you love them
Show them you care
Give them a reason
To stay
Show them a light
Show them the joy
From Christ on high
Give them a reason
To Stay
Don't let this be
Their last night


Romans 12:10, "Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves."


It's hard to understand why God would let something like this happen. But he is in control. He has a purpose. A reason. And we may never understand, but his ways are not our ways nor are his thoughts, our thoughts. (Isaiah 55:8)

Indescribable Joy

An amazing thing.
Joy that can't be described.
Joy because of who God is.
Joy because He loves me - Though I don't deserve it
Joy because He forgives - Though I sin over and over again
Joy.
Indescribable joy.

Let Christ fill you with joy.
Let yourself fall into his arms and say "YOU are my God. YOU are my everything."
Pray. Pray for God to fill you with joy.
Then go out and be a light for him.
Let his joy fill you.
Submit to what he wants to do in your life.

Because I guarantee, yes I guarantee...when you release your hold on this world and let Christ work in you without resisting, you WILL be filled with unmistakable and continual joy.


Psalm 4:7, "You have filled my heart with greater joy than when their grain and new wine abound."

Let him fill you with joy. Give your WHOLE life to Him.
Is it time to make a change?

Psalm 32:11, "Rejoice in the LORD and be glad, you righteous; sing, all you who are upright in heart!"

From the mouth of babes...

Well ages 7 and 5...I love these guys. And Jacob really knows his bible well, it's awesome. :)  Jacob: "God wants you to give him your whole heart."
Joel: "Wow."
Jacob: "He wants you to be holy like he is holy"
Joel: "Like Noah! You should be like Noah and trust God!"
Jacob: "Yes but Noah died."
Joel: "HE DIED?!?!?!? Well...God can never die."
Jacob: "Even if you try to kill him, he can never die!"
Joe:l "there's bears in heaven."
Jacob: "How do you know."
Joel: "Someone told me."
Jacob: "Well there MIGHT be. We don't know."
Joel: "Well probably there is bears."
::Jacob started singing about bears::
Jacob: "In Heaven we'll spend all day worshiping God!"
Joel: "I don't think there's music in heaven"
Jacob: "There is! You know why? Cause everyday you worship God! There's lot of music!"
Joel: "Ya...even when you do your work!"
Then they got distracted talking about sharks and drawing with your head.... :)
Jacob: "I bet God would be the best drawer ever!"
Joel: "He would be as good as Ariel! He could draw a raccoon!...how old is God?"
Jacob: "Did you know there's millions of people in heaven rights now? Greatgreat grandpa is in heaven." ::thinks a moment:: "But kee-kee....isn't there going to be a new heaven? When Jesus comes back again?"
(This kid knows a lot for a 7-yr old!)...

Well That Hit Home...

We all have 'those days'. ..or 'those nights' when everything just seems to go wrong.
Tonight I was having one of those nights. I was trying to clean the kitchen, the little sibs had a friendover, the house was a wreck, people kept making new messes, and I had just had dairy (which means pretty much the littlest things will set me off), I was trying to upload a video and twice, 2 hours into it a little siblings shut my computer and I had to restart....I was not in a good mood.
Now I wasn't openly super upset or mad...mostly because my sibs had a friend over...
All day long the lil girls had been pestering me to do a group photo of them while Jasmine (their friend. She used to be our neighbor and now lives across the US so they never see her.) was over... I was busy and stressed and really not in the mood to take photos.
But finally I got my camera out to take a couple photos of them...on the way out the lil girls were talking about how I was 'upset' about them closing my computer (they were all laughing and joking) and I added how I was "furious" (joking of course). But even though I was smiling, and kinda joking, I wasn't joyful. Then Jasmine said something that really hit..."I like it when I come over and you're singing." (Last time she came over I was in the kitchen singing at the top of my lungs and she thought it was hilarious.
I sing when I'm in a really good mood. I sing when I'm joyful.
But what was I doing now? Was I showing God's love to this little girl who rarely ever is around people who love the Lord? (Her family is Muslim. She's 10 and professes to know Christ.)
I had no reason to be a grouch...even if I wasn't REALLY a grouch. I wasn't joyful. I wasn't shining the light God wanted me to shine.
I was caring more about my own personal cares and problems then shining a light for Christ. Not only to this girl, but also to my younger siblings.
1 Corinthians 10:31, "Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God."
I want to be filled with the joy of the Lord in all I do. And I want that light to shine.