What does it mean to you?

(Before I begin this post, I would just like to state that I have failed many many times in this area, and am continually, by God's grace, striving to do better. So don't think I'm saying that I never do this as well.) :)

     Quiet time with God. What does it mean to you?
If your response is, "Oh, it's awesome. I read my Bible and pray half an hour every day!"...that doesn't answer my question. What does it mean.to.you?
     Sure, maybe you take time aside each day to read the bible and pray. And that's good, really good! But what are you doing during that half hour?
     Are you watching the clock to see when half an hour is up? Are you seeing how many chapters you can 'squeeze' into that half hour just to say you read that much? Are you focusing on looking for a 'good' verse that you can post about it on facebook to make sure your friends know you're a 'good christian'? Are you checking your texts, fb or email every other verse? Do you the entire chapter and have you mind somewhere else the whole time? Do your prayers to God consist of asking God to give you things? The list goes on...
     If I were to ask you what you read about, what God showed you, would you be able to give me an answer?
     It is so easy to let 'quiet time' become 'distraction time'.
     What would happen if during 'quiet time with God' you sought to forget distractions, forget about posting that verse on facebook(side note: that's what the pharisees did, not with fb, but with praying in public places, etc)?
     Okay, here's a really crazy question: What if you made quiet time about God?
::mind bomb::
       I'll repeat it...in case you didn't catch it the first time: What.if.you.made.quiet.time.about.GOD?
     What if you treated EACH WORD rfom the Bible as God speaking to you? What if instead of praying for what you want, you prayed for God's will and praised Him for all He has done and for Him to teach you His ways?
     Crazy thought isn't it? It shouldn't be, but so often we forget why we read the Bible, why we pray.
It's not an 'okay, my half hour is up, I'm done!' thing - it's learning about God, and His Son, Jesus Christ. Learning about what He did for us, learning about how to follow His will.

Psalm 119:10-17,

"I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
¹¹ I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.
¹² Praise be to you, O Lord;
    teach me your decrees.
¹³ With my lips I recount
    all the laws that come from your mouth.
¹⁴ I rejoice in following your statutes
    as one rejoices in great riches.
¹⁵ I meditate on your precepts
    and consider your ways.
¹⁶ I delight in your decrees;
    I will not neglect your word."

     Not only should we make quiet time soley about God - but we should take what we learn and apply to our lives each day. We should be meditating on God's word, living it through our lives.
   
     So I ask you again: Quiet time with God: What does it mean to you?

Surrendering my own precious dream

::takes a deep breath::
     I don't often write posts that are this personal. But God has taught me so much lately. So much that I can't keep it all inside.
     For a long time I struggled with letting go of something. Something I very much didn't want to let go of.
     Something that brought a lot of pain in the process of trying to let go, but still clinging on by my fingertips.
     A wish I had for my life.
     I made a lot of mistakes in the past few months. A lot of things I regret...but from them, I learned. God used my mistakes, to bring about His will.
     Oh, how I don't deserve the mercy and grace He has shown me in my life.

     Josh Eddy, just 2 weeks before his passing, wrote this post about surrendering a precious dream.
This post means a lot to me. Now more then ever. For many reasons.
      One of the reasons: I've finally learned, by God's grace alone, to surrender a this precious dream I had.
      I've finally learned to let go of this thing that I had been clinging to.
     This thing I thought would be the best thing that could ever happen to me...if only it would happen.
     This dream, this precious dream I had for me life.
     It didn't happen in a day. It didn't happen in a week.
     It was a long and very painful time. Filled with much sorrow...and much joy.
      But in the past two months, I have learned more then I ever thought possible.

     But letting go isn't a 'one time thing'.
     It's a forever-process.
     It's seeking to spend the rest of my life clinging SOLEY to Christ.
     It would be so easy to once again grab hold of this precious dream I had.
     But right now, I'm learning to grab hold of Christ...with BOTH hands.

     Keeping my eyes ONLY on Him.

     It's a struggle.

     It's a constant struggle.

     But I am learning.

Every day.

Every minute.

Every second.

     And I desire to spend each second shining for Christ. Each moment serving Him. Each moment take the life He has given me...and using it to further HIS Kingdom. Not seek my own desires and dreams.

     And in seeking Christ, I find my life filled with joy that is indescribable. Even in hardships, the joy of Christ is there.

      Life is far from the human view of perfect. Far from the way we, sinful humans, desire it to be. But life is just the way God planned it. And that's far better then perfect.

Don't you think? :)

Rest.

Life is so short. 

So very very short.

Another life on this earth was ended today.

I didn't know him, but from what I see on his fb profile...he touched a lot of lives.

He died trying to save someone from drowning. (I don't know a lot of the details, but I think that the person he was trying to save also passed.)

This past year for me has been the first year where I have lost people close to me (Josh and my adopted grandpa). 

I never knew what the pain of losing someone was until this year.

I hurt for those who lost Brett today. But I also praise God that, from what I see, it was evident he shined the light of Christ. 

In a second. In a moment. Life can be gone.

Life on earth that is.

Next comes eternal life. 

Either suffering. Or joyously rejoicing with Christ in Heaven.

Forever.

That's a long time.

But right now...I am content to rest in God's grace.

To rest and trust in His timing and will for everything.

To rest in His will for how long I have left on earth.

To rest in His timing on taking those around me away from this world.

To rest in HIM. And Him alone.

The Bible verse that brought me to salvation at age 13 comes to mind:  "Find rest, O my Soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." (Psalm 62:5)

Untitled

Why does it come to this?

Why does my heart seem to burn?

Why will I never feel the same?

Why, please just tell me why.

Why I have to say goodbye.

I wanted it forever to be

But I know now I will never see

Your smiling face, looking back at me

Please, explain to me why

Why I have to say goodbye.

Memories will forever remain

But lives will only last a day

So if I had one wish

I would want you, here, beside me

Tell me why I have to say goodbye

I never thought this day would come

When I wrote you a letter

And went to send it in the mail

Then I realized

There's no address

To heaven

Don't make me say goodbye

As tears fall down my face

I looked up and asked why

Who will fill the empty space you left behind

I don't understand why

Why I have to say goodbye

So wait for me, at those heavenly gates

Wait for me, with open arms

It's time for me to say goodbye

But wait for me.

Wait for me.

Trying

It's the hardest thing I've ever done

A struggle greater than I knew

Tears, laughter, sorrow and joy

Confusion surrounds me

I'm trying to so hard

Trying to keep one focus

Trying to only see Christ

I'm trying - trying so hard

It's like my heart is in a box

A war to always keep it safe

Pain, healing, sadness and delight

Desire surrounds me

I'm trying to so hard

Trying to live just one way

Trying to fully serve Christ

I'm trying - trying so hard

It's a constant battle

A constant tugging at my heart

Desire, needs, shame and pride

Many storms surround me

But I'm trying so hard

Trying to just remember

Trying to always seek Christ

I'm trying - trying so hard

Oh Lord, give me strength

To always

Always keep trying

Until the end of my days

silent prayer

Holding tight to the last words you said

 Quote them over and over in my head

Wishing that this were a nightmare

Wake up and wipe that last tear

Never thought our friendship would come to this

I was living a fantasy of hopeless bliss

Now I'm trying to keep holding on

Without dreading each waking dawn

Resting my world in the grace of my God

So that with a smile I can continue on

Harder than I could ever have imagined

Fighting not to feel abandoned

I know if I trust in His will

That His joy soon will fill

But I'm still clinging to the last words you said

I'm still wiping those tears I shed

And I'm trying, trying so hard

To realize I won't forever be scarred
And in the river of God's mercy and grace
I bow my knee before the God
Who took you from this place
For those last words I cling to
He always knew wouldn't last forever
The Lord gives and takes away
But abandoned, no not ever.
Remembering it's all in His holy will
At the edge standing still
Breathing deeply
Breathing slowly
Remembering
But when the tears fall down my face
I'll stand firm in this place
It's not the end
For His Son did He send
And I know I'll see you again
Lifting my hands high in the air
Singing a silent prayer

God's Timing.

     Awhile back, I posted about my friend, Josh, who drowned.
Not.one.day goes by when I don't think about him or have something remind me of him. And sometimes the pain that follows hurts just as much as it did a month ago.
I don't think that's ever going to change. For the rest of my life, however long God has for me, things will always remind me of Josh and there will always be moments of intense pain because he's gone.

     The initial pain of losing someone is hard. But in a weird sort of way, it kinda hurts more with the more time that passes.
     It's kinda like a good friend you haven't seen in a long time. If you don't see them for a week, you miss them...but if you don't see them for a whole month-you miss them a whole lot more.

     I miss Josh more now then I did a month ago.
     But there's also that feeling of knowing God had this planned from the beginning of time. Every time I think of Josh, that thought comes along with it. It's just right that Josh is gone. It's hard to say that is happened at a perfect time, because that just sounds so...wrong. But it's true. God took Josh up to be with Him on His timing...you can't get a more perfect timing then that.
   
     Understanding God's timing is often one of the biggest challenges for us as Christians.
     God's timing is SO perfect. He has planned the timing for billions of people...when they will be born, when they will get married, when they will get a job...when they will die. And he has worked them all together, so that some interact and come together, putting the right people in the place at the right time. That is...an insane thought. Can you imagine planning that many lives? Putting them together? We serve such a powerful God-outside of time-omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent... all-powerful. Who has everything perfectly planned to happen in His perfect timing and His perfect and holy will.
     Wow.
     God brought Josh into this world in His perfect timing and He took him out of this world in His perfect timing.
      I'm so thankful that God worked into His holy will and plan to let me get to know Josh. God brought Josh into a lot of people's lives-He had is ALL planned. Every.single.person Josh came in contact with...God had it planned.
     Even right now, typing this...I am in awe. God's power is far far beyond human comprehension. The more I seek to understand God, the more I learn just how much more powerful He is then me. I don't even compare. It's...amazing, humbling and yet another reason to praise the Lord of yesterday, today and forever.

     I miss Josh. I always will. But I'm thankful and praise God for His timing in Josh's life. And I thank God that this goodbye is only temporary.


Song dedicated to Josh: http://arielstrom.bandcamp.com/
Josh's fb page: https://www.facebook.com/JoshuaSEddy
Some really touching blog posts by others:
http://tiannalovesandrew.blogspot.com/2012/05/my-brother-joshua-eddy.html
http://justanotherrebornhuman.blogspot.com/2012/05/tribute.html
http://justanotherrebornhuman.blogspot.com/2012/06/god-is-big.html
http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/06/surrending-my-precious-dream.html
http://anobjectblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/object-38-river.html
http://mylifecompiled.blogspot.com/2012/05/grief-according-to-young-ones.html

Let Go

     If there were two words I feel God has been repeating to me this past week, those words would be: "Let go."

     Let go.

     It's so easy to cling to things of this world. Objects, thoughts...even people.
It's easy to hold such a tight grasp on these things that we nearly become obsessed.
Maybe it's not super obvious. But think about the thing that means the most to you, like something of this world. Is it your job? A relationship you desire? Music? A goal you seek? Money? A past friendship? A grudge?
Whatever it may be, if Christ is not the center of the desire or passion-it is worthless. Wasted. It doesn't have to necessarily even be a 'bad' thing, just something that you shouldn't be clinging to so tightly.
   

     Let go.

     I know that's easier said then done. Boy, do I know. To completely let go of something that means so much. You can't let go 'just a little bit'. To let go, you have to completely release your grip.
     Make a 180 turn around. Loosen your grip, let yourself fall back into the arms of Christ.

     Sometimes it can feel that if we let go, we have nothing to hold onto. Nothing to grasp. Our 'security blanket' is gone. If that's the case, it's all the more reason to let go!
      We shouldn't have a 'security blanket' on things of this world.
   
     Our one and only desire should be to fix our eyes on Christ, to serve Him and let Him control our lives in His timing. To let Him give us what we need.
     Psalm 63:8, "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
   
     What are you clinging to?
     Do you have one hand clinging to Christ and another somewhere else?
     Let go.
     Cling to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith. Cling to Christ, with both hands.

     Let go.