Saturday, January 29, 2011

Just Do It

By Clari Noel and Char Char

Today while hanging out with my wonderful buddy Charity C. we were
elected to cook dessert for church lunch tomorrow. First mistake of the day. heh heh heh
We hired two minions to help out, Little-Man and Mini-Man. They gladly excepted and loved stirring the....stuff.
We flipped through the old and worn cook book hoping to stumble upon something of interest and deliciousness. It came like a light from above.
Fluffy white cake with broiled coconut topping.
We began to make the fluffy white cake with the needed ingredients-until we reached flour. The 4th ingredient.
::Gasp:: We were heavily dismayed to discover we had no flour.
After much violent debate with Charity insisting upon using tapioca(raw) and Clareesa really wanting to use white flour to make is unhealthy, an agreement was made. We would use the 'mystery flour' found back in the shadows of the pantry. We say mystery flour because it was an odd blackish color and didn't really look like flour at all. And Charity almost died when smelling it.
Clareesa really wanted this to be a coconut cake. Coconut goes in everything right? Soooo she threw in about half a cup (we just kinda dumped. Charity insists it was at least a cup) of coconut milk powder...which later exploded in Charity's face.
Then to make it even more coconutty we decided to use canned coconut milk (it was Charity's idea). It worked wonderfully. Until we opened the the can. Is coconut milk supposed to stay conformed to the can after you dump it out?
It smelled weird too. Mini-Man said it smelled like mustard.
We needed more flavor.
Lemon extract? Sounds good.
We dumped some in. Not really knowing how much to use. The whole kitchen held an odor which was strangely similar to lemon.
The batter began to form. And smell.
Charity proclaimed it to took like pureed dog food. It tasted pretty close. Clareesa refused to get near it.
We thought maybe food coloring would make it look more delectable.
All we could find was orange.
It looked like puked pureed dog food now. And tasted about the same.
Clareesa dumped in some sugar, which then caused Charity to gasp in horror and cry out "It was ALREADY too sweet!"
Charity finally got (pretty much forced) Clareesa to try some.
She insisted it needed more coconut to cover the flavor. So we added some shredded coconut.
After that it was....edible. But still looked like puked pureed dog with odd chunks.
Then we talked about cooking it. Charity mentioned it would be "Solidated puked pureed dog food".
We found blue food coloring. We put it in. We looked at it. We thought it looked gross.
Clareesa's mom walked in the room and said, "Oh green cake batter? Interesting."
Our hearts were bruised. But not deflated.
We put it in the oven and gave Mini-Man and Little-Man the batter bowl to lick out. 5 minutes later they could be found running around the house with a trail of batter falling off their faces and hands.
Next. The topping. The broiled coconut topping.
Sugar, evaporated milk (which Charity discovered tastes absolutely revolting straight out of the can after guzzling it.) and butter boiling over the stove. And odd smell wafted through the doors of our house. Something like....well something unknown. Something like "Clareesa and Charity are cooking again" smell. (Later to be an odd burnt smell).
Charity had her back turned toward Clareesa who was stirring the boiling mixture on the stove and soon heard, "Oh! oh! OHHH!!!" She turned around and saw in horror the mixture was spilling over the sides of the pan and down into the stove. Clareesa was jumping around frantically trying to calm it down. Finally it was under control. (With much mess!)
Then crushed almonds and more coconut shavings. Smelled alright. Tasted alright.
We mixed it all together.
Did not look anything like frosting. More Charity put it...oatmeal. Tasted rather (*very*) sweet.

And now we wait for it to finish cooking.

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