Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Surrendering my own precious dream

::takes a deep breath::
     I don't often write posts that are this personal. But God has taught me so much lately. So much that I can't keep it all inside.
     For a long time I struggled with letting go of something. Something I very much didn't want to let go of.
     Something that brought a lot of pain in the process of trying to let go, but still clinging on by my fingertips.
     A wish I had for my life.
     I made a lot of mistakes in the past few months. A lot of things I regret...but from them, I learned. God used my mistakes, to bring about His will.
     Oh, how I don't deserve the mercy and grace He has shown me in my life.

     Josh Eddy, just 2 weeks before his passing, wrote this post about surrendering a precious dream.
This post means a lot to me. Now more then ever. For many reasons.
      One of the reasons: I've finally learned, by God's grace alone, to surrender a this precious dream I had.
      I've finally learned to let go of this thing that I had been clinging to.
     This thing I thought would be the best thing that could ever happen to me...if only it would happen.
     This dream, this precious dream I had for me life.
     It didn't happen in a day. It didn't happen in a week.
     It was a long and very painful time. Filled with much sorrow...and much joy.
      But in the past two months, I have learned more then I ever thought possible.

     But letting go isn't a 'one time thing'.
     It's a forever-process.
     It's seeking to spend the rest of my life clinging SOLEY to Christ.
     It would be so easy to once again grab hold of this precious dream I had.
     But right now, I'm learning to grab hold of Christ...with BOTH hands.

     Keeping my eyes ONLY on Him.

     It's a struggle.

     It's a constant struggle.

     But I am learning.
Every day.
Every minute.
Every second.

     And I desire to spend each second shining for Christ. Each moment serving Him. Each moment take the life He has given me...and using it to further HIS Kingdom. Not seek my own desires and dreams.

     And in seeking Christ, I find my life filled with joy that is indescribable. Even in hardships, the joy of Christ is there.

      Life is far from the human view of perfect. Far from the way we, sinful humans, desire it to be. But life is just the way God planned it. And that's far better then perfect.

Don't you think? :)


  1. Clari, this post means so much. It's exactly where I was at for almost a year's time - surrendering a dream, it's so hard. Yet so worth it. You expressed it perfectly...

    {I know you don't know me... but I'm from the C+ forums and followed your blog because of posts like these. Thank you!}

    1. Yea, I guessed you were from the C+ forums. :) Thanks for following my blog and the feedback, means a lot to me. :)