silent prayer

Holding tight to the last words you said

 Quote them over and over in my head

Wishing that this were a nightmare

Wake up and wipe that last tear

Never thought our friendship would come to this

I was living a fantasy of hopeless bliss

Now I'm trying to keep holding on

Without dreading each waking dawn

Resting my world in the grace of my God

So that with a smile I can continue on

Harder than I could ever have imagined

Fighting not to feel abandoned

I know if I trust in His will

That His joy soon will fill

But I'm still clinging to the last words you said

I'm still wiping those tears I shed

And I'm trying, trying so hard

To realize I won't forever be scarred
And in the river of God's mercy and grace
I bow my knee before the God
Who took you from this place
For those last words I cling to
He always knew wouldn't last forever
The Lord gives and takes away
But abandoned, no not ever.
Remembering it's all in His holy will
At the edge standing still
Breathing deeply
Breathing slowly
Remembering
But when the tears fall down my face
I'll stand firm in this place
It's not the end
For His Son did He send
And I know I'll see you again
Lifting my hands high in the air
Singing a silent prayer

God's Timing.

     Awhile back, I posted about my friend, Josh, who drowned.
Not.one.day goes by when I don't think about him or have something remind me of him. And sometimes the pain that follows hurts just as much as it did a month ago.
I don't think that's ever going to change. For the rest of my life, however long God has for me, things will always remind me of Josh and there will always be moments of intense pain because he's gone.

     The initial pain of losing someone is hard. But in a weird sort of way, it kinda hurts more with the more time that passes.
     It's kinda like a good friend you haven't seen in a long time. If you don't see them for a week, you miss them...but if you don't see them for a whole month-you miss them a whole lot more.

     I miss Josh more now then I did a month ago.
     But there's also that feeling of knowing God had this planned from the beginning of time. Every time I think of Josh, that thought comes along with it. It's just right that Josh is gone. It's hard to say that is happened at a perfect time, because that just sounds so...wrong. But it's true. God took Josh up to be with Him on His timing...you can't get a more perfect timing then that.
   
     Understanding God's timing is often one of the biggest challenges for us as Christians.
     God's timing is SO perfect. He has planned the timing for billions of people...when they will be born, when they will get married, when they will get a job...when they will die. And he has worked them all together, so that some interact and come together, putting the right people in the place at the right time. That is...an insane thought. Can you imagine planning that many lives? Putting them together? We serve such a powerful God-outside of time-omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent... all-powerful. Who has everything perfectly planned to happen in His perfect timing and His perfect and holy will.
     Wow.
     God brought Josh into this world in His perfect timing and He took him out of this world in His perfect timing.
      I'm so thankful that God worked into His holy will and plan to let me get to know Josh. God brought Josh into a lot of people's lives-He had is ALL planned. Every.single.person Josh came in contact with...God had it planned.
     Even right now, typing this...I am in awe. God's power is far far beyond human comprehension. The more I seek to understand God, the more I learn just how much more powerful He is then me. I don't even compare. It's...amazing, humbling and yet another reason to praise the Lord of yesterday, today and forever.

     I miss Josh. I always will. But I'm thankful and praise God for His timing in Josh's life. And I thank God that this goodbye is only temporary.


Song dedicated to Josh: http://arielstrom.bandcamp.com/
Josh's fb page: https://www.facebook.com/JoshuaSEddy
Some really touching blog posts by others:
http://tiannalovesandrew.blogspot.com/2012/05/my-brother-joshua-eddy.html
http://justanotherrebornhuman.blogspot.com/2012/05/tribute.html
http://justanotherrebornhuman.blogspot.com/2012/06/god-is-big.html
http://god-sdaughter.blogspot.com/2012/06/surrending-my-precious-dream.html
http://anobjectblog.blogspot.com/2012/05/object-38-river.html
http://mylifecompiled.blogspot.com/2012/05/grief-according-to-young-ones.html

Let Go

     If there were two words I feel God has been repeating to me this past week, those words would be: "Let go."

     Let go.

     It's so easy to cling to things of this world. Objects, thoughts...even people.
It's easy to hold such a tight grasp on these things that we nearly become obsessed.
Maybe it's not super obvious. But think about the thing that means the most to you, like something of this world. Is it your job? A relationship you desire? Music? A goal you seek? Money? A past friendship? A grudge?
Whatever it may be, if Christ is not the center of the desire or passion-it is worthless. Wasted. It doesn't have to necessarily even be a 'bad' thing, just something that you shouldn't be clinging to so tightly.
   

     Let go.

     I know that's easier said then done. Boy, do I know. To completely let go of something that means so much. You can't let go 'just a little bit'. To let go, you have to completely release your grip.
     Make a 180 turn around. Loosen your grip, let yourself fall back into the arms of Christ.

     Sometimes it can feel that if we let go, we have nothing to hold onto. Nothing to grasp. Our 'security blanket' is gone. If that's the case, it's all the more reason to let go!
      We shouldn't have a 'security blanket' on things of this world.
   
     Our one and only desire should be to fix our eyes on Christ, to serve Him and let Him control our lives in His timing. To let Him give us what we need.
     Psalm 63:8, "My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me."
   
     What are you clinging to?
     Do you have one hand clinging to Christ and another somewhere else?
     Let go.
     Cling to Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith. Cling to Christ, with both hands.

     Let go.