What does it mean to you?

(Before I begin this post, I would just like to state that I have failed many many times in this area, and am continually, by God's grace, striving to do better. So don't think I'm saying that I never do this as well.) :)

     Quiet time with God. What does it mean to you?
If your response is, "Oh, it's awesome. I read my Bible and pray half an hour every day!"...that doesn't answer my question. What does it mean.to.you?
     Sure, maybe you take time aside each day to read the bible and pray. And that's good, really good! But what are you doing during that half hour?
     Are you watching the clock to see when half an hour is up? Are you seeing how many chapters you can 'squeeze' into that half hour just to say you read that much? Are you focusing on looking for a 'good' verse that you can post about it on facebook to make sure your friends know you're a 'good christian'? Are you checking your texts, fb or email every other verse? Do you the entire chapter and have you mind somewhere else the whole time? Do your prayers to God consist of asking God to give you things? The list goes on...
     If I were to ask you what you read about, what God showed you, would you be able to give me an answer?
     It is so easy to let 'quiet time' become 'distraction time'.
     What would happen if during 'quiet time with God' you sought to forget distractions, forget about posting that verse on facebook(side note: that's what the pharisees did, not with fb, but with praying in public places, etc)?
     Okay, here's a really crazy question: What if you made quiet time about God?
::mind bomb::
       I'll repeat it...in case you didn't catch it the first time: What.if.you.made.quiet.time.about.GOD?
     What if you treated EACH WORD rfom the Bible as God speaking to you? What if instead of praying for what you want, you prayed for God's will and praised Him for all He has done and for Him to teach you His ways?
     Crazy thought isn't it? It shouldn't be, but so often we forget why we read the Bible, why we pray.
It's not an 'okay, my half hour is up, I'm done!' thing - it's learning about God, and His Son, Jesus Christ. Learning about what He did for us, learning about how to follow His will.

Psalm 119:10-17,

"I seek you with all my heart;
    do not let me stray from your commands.
¹¹ I have hidden your word in my heart
    that I might not sin against you.
¹² Praise be to you, O Lord;
    teach me your decrees.
¹³ With my lips I recount
    all the laws that come from your mouth.
¹⁴ I rejoice in following your statutes
    as one rejoices in great riches.
¹⁵ I meditate on your precepts
    and consider your ways.
¹⁶ I delight in your decrees;
    I will not neglect your word."

     Not only should we make quiet time soley about God - but we should take what we learn and apply to our lives each day. We should be meditating on God's word, living it through our lives.
   
     So I ask you again: Quiet time with God: What does it mean to you?

Surrendering my own precious dream

::takes a deep breath::
     I don't often write posts that are this personal. But God has taught me so much lately. So much that I can't keep it all inside.
     For a long time I struggled with letting go of something. Something I very much didn't want to let go of.
     Something that brought a lot of pain in the process of trying to let go, but still clinging on by my fingertips.
     A wish I had for my life.
     I made a lot of mistakes in the past few months. A lot of things I regret...but from them, I learned. God used my mistakes, to bring about His will.
     Oh, how I don't deserve the mercy and grace He has shown me in my life.

     Josh Eddy, just 2 weeks before his passing, wrote this post about surrendering a precious dream.
This post means a lot to me. Now more then ever. For many reasons.
      One of the reasons: I've finally learned, by God's grace alone, to surrender a this precious dream I had.
      I've finally learned to let go of this thing that I had been clinging to.
     This thing I thought would be the best thing that could ever happen to me...if only it would happen.
     This dream, this precious dream I had for me life.
     It didn't happen in a day. It didn't happen in a week.
     It was a long and very painful time. Filled with much sorrow...and much joy.
      But in the past two months, I have learned more then I ever thought possible.

     But letting go isn't a 'one time thing'.
     It's a forever-process.
     It's seeking to spend the rest of my life clinging SOLEY to Christ.
     It would be so easy to once again grab hold of this precious dream I had.
     But right now, I'm learning to grab hold of Christ...with BOTH hands.

     Keeping my eyes ONLY on Him.

     It's a struggle.

     It's a constant struggle.

     But I am learning.

Every day.

Every minute.

Every second.

     And I desire to spend each second shining for Christ. Each moment serving Him. Each moment take the life He has given me...and using it to further HIS Kingdom. Not seek my own desires and dreams.

     And in seeking Christ, I find my life filled with joy that is indescribable. Even in hardships, the joy of Christ is there.

      Life is far from the human view of perfect. Far from the way we, sinful humans, desire it to be. But life is just the way God planned it. And that's far better then perfect.

Don't you think? :)

Rest.

Life is so short. 

So very very short.

Another life on this earth was ended today.

I didn't know him, but from what I see on his fb profile...he touched a lot of lives.

He died trying to save someone from drowning. (I don't know a lot of the details, but I think that the person he was trying to save also passed.)

This past year for me has been the first year where I have lost people close to me (Josh and my adopted grandpa). 

I never knew what the pain of losing someone was until this year.

I hurt for those who lost Brett today. But I also praise God that, from what I see, it was evident he shined the light of Christ. 

In a second. In a moment. Life can be gone.

Life on earth that is.

Next comes eternal life. 

Either suffering. Or joyously rejoicing with Christ in Heaven.

Forever.

That's a long time.

But right now...I am content to rest in God's grace.

To rest and trust in His timing and will for everything.

To rest in His will for how long I have left on earth.

To rest in His timing on taking those around me away from this world.

To rest in HIM. And Him alone.

The Bible verse that brought me to salvation at age 13 comes to mind:  "Find rest, O my Soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him." (Psalm 62:5)

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Why does it come to this?

Why does my heart seem to burn?

Why will I never feel the same?

Why, please just tell me why.

Why I have to say goodbye.

I wanted it forever to be

But I know now I will never see

Your smiling face, looking back at me

Please, explain to me why

Why I have to say goodbye.

Memories will forever remain

But lives will only last a day

So if I had one wish

I would want you, here, beside me

Tell me why I have to say goodbye

I never thought this day would come

When I wrote you a letter

And went to send it in the mail

Then I realized

There's no address

To heaven

Don't make me say goodbye

As tears fall down my face

I looked up and asked why

Who will fill the empty space you left behind

I don't understand why

Why I have to say goodbye

So wait for me, at those heavenly gates

Wait for me, with open arms

It's time for me to say goodbye

But wait for me.

Wait for me.

Trying

It's the hardest thing I've ever done

A struggle greater than I knew

Tears, laughter, sorrow and joy

Confusion surrounds me

I'm trying to so hard

Trying to keep one focus

Trying to only see Christ

I'm trying - trying so hard

It's like my heart is in a box

A war to always keep it safe

Pain, healing, sadness and delight

Desire surrounds me

I'm trying to so hard

Trying to live just one way

Trying to fully serve Christ

I'm trying - trying so hard

It's a constant battle

A constant tugging at my heart

Desire, needs, shame and pride

Many storms surround me

But I'm trying so hard

Trying to just remember

Trying to always seek Christ

I'm trying - trying so hard

Oh Lord, give me strength

To always

Always keep trying

Until the end of my days